Almost Equal Sequels Part XIX: War of the Colossal Beast 

Ah, the 1950s!  The true glory days of the hard scrabble slightly financed sci-fi extravaganzas! Giant bugs and atomic beasts! Flying saucers and underwater creatures! Infinitesimal amounts of money were spent on a huge catalog of films that were unleashed onto the unwitting public.  There were great posters, intriguing titles, and the promise of something unique and entertaining.  And mothers across the country were just thankful to kick their kids out of the house into these air-conditioned movie temples for several dozens of hours a day.   

Were the films chock full of the best special effects known to man?  Not necessarily.  For every Forbidden Planet and War of the Worlds, there was a Teenage Caveman or a Teenagers from Outer Space or other movies with “teenage” in the title.  However, at the exact same time researchers discovered that presenting buxom ladies in skintight space outfits was not only the cheapest but ultimately the best special effect ever invented. Trust me, I’ve followed the data very closely.  In the name of science, of course.   

In other areas, the audiences of the 1950s were a smidge more forgiving when corners were cut a bit.  Well, except in cases of theatrical fare like The Giant Claw and Killers from Space.  Those effects were slightly above jamming a lit flashlight in your mouth to make your cheeks glow red.  (And of course I would be remiss without mentioning another cheapie, Nicholas Ray’s Johnny Guitar, which started out with the effects crew having to build a cruel and shrill demonic harpy from scratch.  Due to budget and time, they quickly substituted Joan Crawford instead, as she was cheaper than stop motion animation by 16 dollars.) 

Anyway, out there in the Wild West of sci-fi and horror movies, new films that survived that mixed metaphor were released every 18 minutes or so. Back then, entire theatrical runs lasted about 3 hours to accommodate the sheer volume of product.  Distributors could get away with that approach though. These films could make their money back just by preselling to a foreign market, like the Dutch for instance, by using hastily designed posters for films that truthfully had little chance of fully delivering on their displayed promises of thrills.   

But the Dutch weren’t too discriminating; they were just happy to see people onscreen that weren’t forced to wear wooden shoes.  (I’d kid the Dutch more, but then their little boys would attack me, removing their fingers from all those dam holes to do so, causing immeasurable damage in flooding.  I just can’t have that.)   

The downside was the audience was stuck with a true glut of sci-fi fare.  There were people who never left the theater, preferring to rent living space there for fear that they might just miss some true gem of otherworldly entertainment. Everyone decided to own a theater because it was easier. Neighborhoods were converted overnight.  Parking lots were installed.  We went from having the Smiths next door on the left and the Browns on the right to living between The Bijou and The Palace.  Mountains of popcorn boxes littered the landscape. Audiences complained about all the lawn mowing interrupting the films.  It was beyond untenable to the point of becoming unelevenable.  It truly was an amazing fictional time that was made up by me! 

Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yes, the War of the Colossal Beast! 

The Sequel: War of the Colossal Beast (1958) 

Original Movie: The Amazing Colossal Man (1957) 

Key Cast/Production Staff Returning from 1^st Installment: 

Bert I. Gordon	Director/Producer/Story
Ronald Sinclair	Editor
Albert Glasser	Composer
Flora Gordon	Special Effects Assist

To Start With: 

“Ladies and gentlemen, you’re witnessing a manhunt for the biggest man in existence.” 

Bert I. Gordon.  Literally, Mr. B.I.G. himself.  Throughout the 1950s, Gordon established himself as a sci-fi genre legend.  Originally hailing from my lovely hometown of Wisconsin, Gordon was a director, a producer, a writer, and a special effects creator all wrapped up in one package.  Admittedly, they had to use a lot of tape to close that incredible package.     

There was some incredible output being created with larger budgets at the major studios at that time. There were films like Them!, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, and The Day the Earth Stood Still.  Granted, those films were indeed successful but think of the cash that could be made without major studio overhead by going through American International Pictures instead. Gordon realized that with a bit of camera trickery, oversized props, a steady supply of hardly missed insects, and occasionally using a well-placed Gene Roth, he could rule the world! 

He made King Dinosaur by gluing a fin on the back of a lizard, filming it fighting an iguana, and then having the testicular fortitude to call that iguana a Tyrannosaur. Amazing Colossal cajónes indeed.  Gordon ended that film with a gigantic atomic explosion, which turned out to be the happy finale.  Then came Beginning of the End which originally involved gluing a fin on the back of star Peter Graves.  The effect was staggeringly non-impressive, so Gordon decided to film a giant locust attack instead, using actual bugs against backgrounds, actual blown-up photos of Chicago, and rear projection.  Just the marvelous idea of Chicago being annihilated and wiped off the face of the earth was enough to thrill audiences.     

Then came The Incredible Shrinking Man, which was not made by Gordon.  It was a 1957 hit for Universal directed by Jack Arnold that involved great special effects, an insightful lead performance from Grant Williams, and a compelling story from Richard Matheson.  American International Pictures just saw the cash it made and commissioned Gordon to go the opposite way, to make a movie about something Amazing! Something COLOSSAL even!  Gordon made just that, The Amazing Colossal Man. 

The movie told the story of Lt. Colonel Glenn Manning, a poor dope, who after being exposed to radiation from a plutonium explosion, became 60 feet tall for some reason!  And he became bald for some reason!  And his heart wasn’t growing as fast as the rest of him for some reason!  And his fiancé isn’t happy about having everything else on him grow proportionately for some reason! And he’s going insane too for some reason!  Science for some reason! 

Audiences were ultimately able realize a dream that they never knew they had nor wanted: seeing a huge superimposed bald man in a sarong clutching his chest in pain as he destroyed Las Vegas.  There is an attempted cure for his growth, but it involves using a giant syringe and a violent reaction in trying to contain giggles when using it. Manning’s wild spree ended, as do most trips to Vegas, by being shot by the US Army and falling from Hoover Dam into the crushing waters of the Colorado River.  We could only presume that there was an Amazing Colossal Splatter. 

But nope!  Somehow, by an amazing colossal reason, namely an amazing colossal box office, ex-Col. Manning returned in 1958!  This time he’s terrorizing Mexico and Los Angeles and Mexico War of the Colossal Beast!  You must see it to believe that you’re watching it!   

Anything Done Better than the Original? 

“There’s nothing in our directives about a 60-foot giant!“

Okay, I know that the effects here aren’t the best ever seen in film history. Yet Gordon does what he can with what he’s got.  However, the facial make-up effect on Manning is terrific and horrific.  Knowing that Manning took some severe battle damage when he fell off the Hoover Dam was one thing but seeing it in such gruesome detail is another.  It could have been hokey and cheap, but that face make-up still stands as an all-timer.  Special kudos to Jack Young with that special make-up. 

Also, when Manning is dispatched in this film, how do you top having him fall off Hoover Dam in a very see-through-y processing shot?  Why, you have him get electrocuted, of course!  And not just electrocuted, electrocuted in living color!  Yes, we’ve been in the safety of a 1950s black and white world for most of the runtime, but when Manning takes himself out of the game, it is done in glorious and hastily applied color.  Another showy part that still works to this day.  Much like a similar scene in 1959’s The Tingler, that sudden color moment works quite well. 

And here is where I’m going to get onto my Sally Fraser soapbox.  In the 1950s, there were a bevy of lovely ladies in peril or causing it in cheaper B and C level movies.  Names like Mara Corday, Marie Windsor, Beverly Garland, and Yvette Vickers were legends.  Several bazillion young lads entered puberty almost immediately upon just seeing Alison Hayes.  It was a grand time and no wonder every boy wanted to be an astronaut. 

Into this fray, the demure and fetching Sally Fraser steps in.  Here she plays Manning’s sister, a character that wasn’t seen at all in the first movie. But since the bland fiancé played by Cathy Downs didn’t return for the sequel, Sally Fraser was a welcome addition.  Yes, Fraser wasn’t known for busting out all over like Corday or Vickers, but for me, she just had something.  Plus, it takes a lot to act sincerely in films like Earth Vs. The Spider and Giant from the Unknown, but she did it well and was a delight.  I think when she changes gear from being Peter Graves’ quiet housewife to a mind-controlled frisky seductress in It Conquered the World, I knew that she had a fire and a spark within her.  So yes, here’s to the late, great, and lovely Sally Fraser.  

Anything as Good as the Original? 

“Giants can run fast. They have long legs.“

The giant effects are about as good as the original.  I don’t really believe Manning is a giant, but at least there was the effort put in to sell it.  To be fair, we don’t see Manning right away in this installment.  This makes his face make-up even more shocking when we finally do lay eyes on this 60-foot-tall menace!  And having some night shots later does indeed help to cover up some of the cheaper aspects, so that’s a win of sorts.  It certainly isn’t worse than the first film, I’ll give it that.  Hats off to Flora Gordon, effects mistress and coincidentally, Mrs. Bert I. Gordon. 

Composer Albert Glasser was one that simply pummeled you with music.  Those blaring and blasting horns not only covered up a lot of special effects and acting sins over the years but also gave an entire generation of boomer kids their first taste of hearing loss.  In Beginning of the End for instance, I think audiences were so focused on reflexively covering their ears and looking away, that they didn’t really witness super-imposed live grasshoppers on a large blown-up postcard of a Chicago street.  

So Glasser was essential; he could add much needed music to pave over the dramatic gaps left in movies like The Neanderthal Man, Monster from Green Hell, and Viking Women and the Sea Serpent.  Plus, as this movie is about a giant, the music should be big, I get it.  Just never hire Albert Glasser to compose a tender love ballad or a lullaby. 

Anything Not-So-Good as the Original? 

“How do you reason with a 60-foot giant?” 

I’m not going to say that Glenn Langan in the original Amazing Colossal Man was going to be winning Academy Awards™©® for his portrayal of Glenn Manning.  I mean imagine how alluring the role was to an actor with over 15 years of movies under his belt at that time.  “Golly, I get to be bald and wear nothing but a diaper while lamenting my existence in between sessions of grabbing my chest in pain?  Ooooh, sign me up!”  And yet, dumpy diaper and all, Langan did portray that sad joyless sack without breaking character or showing insincerity throughout.  So kudos to him. 

Meanwhile here in Colossal Beast, we get a whole other issue.  Granted, being able to act while having half your face covered with kickin’ make-up would challenge anyone.  (Well, except for Gary Oldman, but we all can’t be Gary Oldman or whomever Gary Oldman is playing today.)  With that excuse aside, Duncan Parkin is a plank of wood. It’s like someone doing a parody of the Frankenstein monster underwater.  There just isn’t enough pathos given.  And it doesn’t help that there’s an extended flashback from the first movie where you not only get a superior performance of the exact same character but also an opportunity for Gordon to save a buck for almost an entire reel!   

Still, that face make-up is great.   

Anything Far Worse than the Original? 

“We can’t leave him exposed to the weather, even if he is a giant.“

Does anyone care about where the destruction of this Colossal Beast’s “war” is taking place?  The poster is a bit of a lie as most of the movie takes place in Not-Mexico or in an aircraft hangar or in L.A. at night.  This is of course a pale shadow of the first movie when Manning crushed the landmarks of the Vegas Strip in broad daylight when he discovered that Sinatra wasn’t in town performing that week. Also, let’s face facts: Joey Bishop never was an attraction.  Never. 

Here we get a few produce and bread trucks smashed up and…yeah, that’s about it.  There’s the terrific promise that Manning will throw a bus full of kids out from Griffth Observatory.  That event even made the poster!  But no, he doesn’t try to go for distance or even spitefully smash the bus down on the onlookers below.  His sister steps in, Manning has a flash of humanity where he places the bus gently down, and we in the audience are left empty, robbed of the joy that would have come. 

By the way, and this is a bit nitpicky, but this film has about as many authentic Mexican locations as Ice Station Zebra does.  C’mon, we all know you were filming in the California desert and mostly the backlot, Bert.  I mean, just putting sombreros on extras and calling several people José doesn’t cut it.  Plus, that police station and town both look like they are straight out of Mayberry, as if Senor Barney were on patrol. We all know from Touch of Evil, that just isn’t the case south of the border. 

Still, that face make-up.  Pretty cool, eh? 

Follow-up installments? 

“I can imagine myself going back to write all those tired old adjectives: “Tremendous,” “Gigantic,” “Colossal!” You know what they’d mean to me now, don’t you? Glenn! A colossal freak, Major, and he’s my brother!” 

Sadly, Lt. Col. Glenn Manning has been nothing but the Amazing Colossal Dead Man since 1958.  So all hopes for a trilogy and beyond were dashed to bits.  Still, seeing a fried Manning in a blackened sarong now sporting a crispier version of the face make-up would have been simply incredible in a third installment.    

However, Gordon did leave film history with an entire movie shelf full of size-related films.  He gave us 1958’s Attack of the Puppet People, where we see that no matter how small you make John Agar, you cannot shrink his ego.  Also in 1958, we got Earth Vs. The Spider, where a giant spider faces off against the Earth and fights it to a draw.  There was also 1965’s Village of the Giants where we get to see a giant Beau Bridges, which nobody wanted, and a giant Joy Harmon, which everybody wanted.  He also gave us 1976’s Food of the Gods with giant rats and 1977’s Empire of the Ants with giant…well, ants. 

Aside from Mr. B.I.G opuses, there was Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman, which makes for a great poster because the ad guys knew what the best part of the movie is: watching Alison Hayes in a skimpy outfit smashing away. Plus, Amazing Colossal Man’s William Hudson is here to deal with another giant who’s ticked off at him.  And there’s Yvette Vickers too?!  This could be the best motion picture ever.  There was a later remake with Daryl Hannah and a parody from Fred Olen Ray that added ten feet called Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold.  But as neither had Alison Hayes, I’d pass on them. 

There was also 1959’s The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock starring Dorothy Provine and Lou Costello in his last film.  Now we’re not only down twenty feet from the previous film giantess that attacked but we’re also down the best straight man in the business. I think the best part of the film is the poster, but RIP to the great Lou Costello. 

Of course there was the Rick Moranis Honey, I Shrunk trilogy, but as bandwidth is precious, I’ll stop here.  Oh and there was another parody called The Incredible Shrinking Woman with Lily Tomlin, which exists. By that point, the only truly shrinking thing was my interest level. Besides, Lily Tomlin doesn’t start the heart a-flutterin’ like Yvette Vickers. Not even close.

And Finally: 

“I’m afraid the world doesn’t think of a 60 foot man the way a sister does.“

Okay, all right, I’ll come clean.  I was introduced to War of the Colossal Beast via the cinematic wonders that came through the Mystery Science Theater 3000 pipeline.  Come to think of it, this is where I was first exposed to dozens of these kinds of films.  And a lot of Bert I. Gordon’s catalog ended up as riffing fodder for Joel/Mike and the bots. 

Now are Gordon’s films the worst ever made?  Oh, not by a country mile.  These are professionally made films, completed creatively with limited budgets.  In any case and despite overruling several doctors’ recommendations, I purposefully sought out unriffed versions of these films.  In the end, watching them unedited has been a revelation. I’ve grown to appreciate Mr. B.I.G. and his movie career. The Magic Sword and Tormented are still highlights. 

Ultimately, these were made to fill drive-ins in the 1950s and 60s, entertaining crowds for 75 minutes at a stretch. They certainly did just that.  I found myself enjoying these films too, despite my jaded and cynical Gen-X eyes watching them.  I even wrote to Bert I. Gordon and received a signed copy of his book. The best thing I can say about the book is that, like his movies, it’s a bit too short and leaves you wanting more.

Finally, I was able to connect with Sally Fraser a few years before she passed away.  I sent her a fan letter, and she was warm and gracious enough to sign an original movie still for me.  That still was from War of the Colossal Beast because what else could it have been? In the end, after dealing with a Colossal Beast and a giant spider and an Unknown Giant, she proved that she had a bigger heart. 

And that is truly better than any special effect. 

Although, Alison Hayes in a skimpy outfit certainly is right up there! 

Dr. Carmichael: ”The foot that made that print is about ten times the size of a normal man’s. That would make him about sixty feet tall.” 

Joyce Manning: “Glenn was sixty feet tall!“